Birthday Post!

Currently listening to: California King Bed (Rihanna) All I Want For Christmas (Mariah. again)
Currently pondering: Graduation, snow, paaaaiiin

This was never meant to be a Birthday post. I'd written something completely different, then remembered it's MY BIRTHDAY TOMORROW, and supposed I ought to commemorate the occasion. I can now say that my dad forgot how old I was turning, mum wasn’t sure when it was my birthday, and I just full on forgot it. Runs in the family, clearlyWhat better time to write something semi-philosophical and thought provoking- There is none! So, I'm stumped..

 <.<                           >.>                  >.<

No I'm not, of course I'm not. I'm not going to bore you with some soppy " this year has been so amazing..." post, I'm better than that. And it hasn't been all rosy and amazing, but a pendulum swing between extremes and back, and I won’t divulge the gory bits without a strong drink or a huge chip on my shoulder.What I am going to do is talk about 2 things from my childhood that are revived around this time of year every year, and why. The two most played video tapes I owned as a child were Peter Pan and Alice in Wonderland, and I was SO HAPPY when both of them were remade in the last few years- it’s like the world was woken up to their brilliance and the stories were growing up with me. 

I have now put on  the Peter Pan film... I LOVE THIS FILM, it’s so good, the kids are so cute, and I have a thing for the guy who plays Pan. Ahem. That doesn’t make me sound good...He just has this really cute impish charm! Can I clarify I dig the charm, not the 12 yr old boy? I’m moving on now before I cause any more damage. Eeesh.

My love for Peter Pan does run deeper than physical attraction and fairytales though, I liked the sense of adventure and childhood crushes. I took the notion of love very seriously as a child. Probably fuelled by Disney’s portrayal of it. Then I actually started dating and it was like "WHOOOOAA Nelly! This isn’t how it’s meant to be!" Plus the idea of growing up always has scared me...so every year I end up going through Peter Pan Syndrome! -as I call it. This is the phenomenon I usually experience this time of year, where I defy Father Time, ball my hands into little fists, and thrash around until he agrees not to let me age this year. He usually wins, he has a very forceful manner of debate.  But I don’t have it this year! I’m quite looking forward to turning 21, I have an array of celebrations to see me through (I love hosting, it makes me feel quite satisfied with my little self), and my first act as a 21 year old is gonna be a scream. But I’m keeping that a secret, don’t want to ruin the surprise after all!

Alice in Wonderland is one of those things that if you read with an open mind, the nonsense soon makes sense. Par example

The Hatter opened his eyes very wide on hearing this; but all he said was, "Why is a raven like a writing-desk?"
"Come, we shall have some fun now!" thought Alice. "I'm glad they've begun asking riddles. — I believe I can guess that," she added aloud.
"Do you mean that you think you can find out the answer to it?" said the March Hare.
"Exactly so," said Alice.
"Then you should say what you mean," the March Hare went on.
"I do," Alice hastily replied; "at least--at least I mean what I say--that's the same thing, you know."
"Not the same thing a bit!" said the Hatter. "You might just as well say that 'I see what I eat' is the same thing as 'I eat what I see'!"
"You might just as well say," added the March Hare, "that 'I like what I get' is the same thing as 'I get what I like'!"
"You might just as well say," added the Dormouse, who seemed to be talking in his sleep, "that 'I breathe when I sleep' is the same thing as 'I sleep when I breathe'!"

Be sure to say what you mean and mean what you say! These are indeed two totally different concepts no matter how similar they may sound. I read the book again over the summer, and I think it's one of those books that releases a little bit of philosophy with every reading. This time I picked up on the above quotation and liked it very much. I said it last week, I'll say it again, I'll say it forever more: Be straight with me! I have no time to be messed about with, especially if there's no good reason. And I found it's the only way to keep friendships going. Alice usually makes an appearance about this time of year when I want to check that I still find the world around me interesting and full of wonder (yeh I went there) and as far as I can see, it is!

I took this picture of the moon a few nights ago, it looked absolutely huge! B-E-A-ootiful!

This was taken last year, and it reminds me of that bit in alice when she's been shrunk and is walking amongst the flowers!

Sophie as my own personal Alice, just before she joins the Caucus race

Now, I'll get back to some real work before I spend my night having a pint and playing pool, I intend to have a big cocktail in my hand as the clock strikes 12!
Lovelove xxx (and apologies for a sub-standard post, the next will be an audio-deeelight)

Keep your Darcy, Im holding out for a Heathcliff.

Prepare for a long one folks!

Currently Listening to: Home (Edward Sharpe and The Magnetic Zeros) & Hero (Mariah Carey) Yeh I'm mixing genres! What of it?!
Currently Pondering: Bleh, too much milk. And why haven't I heard "Home" sooner!? It's a firm favourite.

We sat on the sofa, snuggled under Elisa’s duvet, ate the remnants of her Birthday cake, and indulged our Christmas and spinster spirit simultaneously by watching Bridget Jones’ Diary. Colin Firth as the ever-delectable Mr Darcy, and Hugh Grant (omgomg, he WINKED at me this year at the Open, yeh, HUGH GRANT noticed me on the way back from the loo and acknowledged my existence!) in his usual businessy-playboy type role. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Anyway, BJD is meant to be a modern spin of Pride and Prejudice if I’m right? It was made with that in mind correct? I get its also meant to be a collection of journalistic columns by Helen..thingamybob. It doesn’t really matter, its just my tenuous bridge from one classic love story to another, and lo! I shall spring into my main argument.

Mr Darcy, as lovely as you are, and in spite of the flocks of women looking for a modern Darcy of their own, like our dear Bridget, I myself, am looking for a Heathcliff.
-Yeh you heard right, I’m a Wuthering Heights fan. Cathy + Heathcliff 4eva. Hang on now, no don’t go leaving, just sit tight and I’ll try and show you why if you haven’t already read this book, you need to.

It applies to real life! It does! I’ve seen the scenario SO many times that: Boy meets girl, boy falls in love with girl, boy finds another boy after girl, girl sits there thinking “oh...crrap.” Now, if girl is to make any sort of choice between the two, it seems only logical she’ll chose the man who can show her that she won’t be happier with anyone but him, correct? Unless she has some masochistic tendency or a materialistic definition of happy, of course. In any situation, disappearing off the face of the earth, making a girl feel like an idiot while she’s harbouring affection for you or cavorting with other girls will NOT secure the lady’s hand, Darcy. Again, unless she has slight masochistic tendencies. I’ve seen and heard about this situation from friends male and female, experienced it for myself, and can determine it is not fun for any of the parties involved. I have total sympathy for anyone caught in this situation, but ultimately, don’t get more stressed about it than needs be. The course of true love never runs smooth, but that doesn’t mean it needs to be like treading a minefield. If it gets too much for you to handle before you get into a relationship with someone, what would an actual relationship with them be like them? I found comfort in pages 54-59.

“My great miseries in this world have been Heathcliff's miseries, and I watched and felt each from the beginning: my great thought in living is himself. If all else perished, and he remained, I should still continue to be; and if all else remained, and he were annihilated, the universe would turn to a mighty stranger: I should not seem a part of it.—My love for Linton is like the foliage in the woods: time will change it, I'm well aware, as winter changes the trees. My love for Heathcliff resembles the eternal rocks beneath: a source of little visible delight, but necessary. Nelly, I am Heathcliff! He's always, always in my mind: not as a pleasure, any more than I am always a pleasure to myself, but as my own being.”

I’m having trouble wording my second reason for loving this book. Basically, the love that Cathy and Heathcliff have for each other isn’t perfect and functionable, but it’s so fierce, and so passionate, that it does work. In a non-working way. *Spoiler warning* They never marry, but it still seems like they are magnetised to each other, and despite them trying to fight it, desperately trying to guard themselves from giving in to each other, it seems inevitable they will eventually end up together. Come hell and high water. Almost. I appreciate fairy-tale depictions of love and romance, They make me go all gooey and warm, but in practicality, I find more reassurance in the idea that no matter what might happen, I’ll have a love that can’t be waivered. Not so that I then have permission to mess around and act like a jerk, and I’m not talking about soulmates, but I’m trying to get to the idea that you can find in someone something that ignites this intense feeling in you, that can’t be dampened down. I think that’s nice. I might be too idealistic, but I don’t think that beyond the reach of most people. Maybe.

Before I lose your attention, I need to use my favourite part of the book, please? Ok! Cathy has married another man, for really terrible reasons, has become sick with all the grief she’s caused herself and by Heathcliff’s disappearance and reappearance in her life, and now she’s on her deathbed, with Heathcliff come to visit her:

'You teach me now how cruel you've been—cruel and false. Why did you despise me? Why did you betray your own heart, Cathy? I have not one word of comfort. You deserve this. You have killed yourself. Yes, you may kiss me, and cry; and wring out my kisses and tears: they'll blight you—they'll damn you. You loved me—then what right you, of your own will, did it. I have not broken your heart—you have broken it; and in breaking it, you have broken mine. So much the worse for me that I am strong. Do I want to live? What kind of living will it be when you—oh, God! would you like to live with your soul in the grave?'

'Let me alone. Let me alone,' sobbed Catherine. 'If I’ve done wrong, I'm dying for it. It is enough! You left me too: but I won't upbraid you! I forgive you. Forgive me!'

'It is hard to forgive, and to look at those eyes, and feel those wasted hands,' he answered. 'Kiss me again; and don’t let me see your eyes! I forgive what you have done to me. I love my murderer—but yours! How can I?' 

Do I need to explain why I love this part or can I just stew in a feeling of “*ooof* that’s emotive”? I have a thing about being as honest and accurate about stuff as I can, I’ve found it’s the only way to speak to guys without things “getting complicated”, and my friends get a kick out of my “bluntness” from time to time. So here we have a man telling his girl exactly how he feels about her, with no reservations, and he kicks her butt a little. Bitches be crazy, and I know I’m better for having someone tell me when I’m being out of line from time to time. At this point in the book, I have fallen in love with Heathcliff. Minus the twisted parenting skills.

I’ll finish with responding to the argument of “How can you like any of the characters in this book?! They’re all evil!”  “-ARE NOT!” Look, look right here ok? Cathy has died and Heathcliff is spiralling into some intense mourning period here: 

'May she wake in torment!' he cried, with frightful vehemence, stamping his foot, and groaning in a sudden paroxysm of ungovernable passion. 'Why, she's a liar to the end! Where is she? Not there—not in heaven—not perished—where? Oh! you said you cared nothing for my sufferings! And I pray one prayer—I repeat it till my tongue stiffens—Catherine Earnshaw, may you not rest as long as I am living; you said I killed you—haunt me, then! The murdered do haunt their murderers, I believe. I know that ghosts have wandered on earth. Be with me always—take any form—drive me mad! only do not leave me in this abyss, where I cannot find you! Oh, God! it is unutterable! I cannot live without my life! I cannot live without my soul!'

Ok, he’s coming off a little harsh by wishing her anything but restful peace, but look underneath that. He is so afraid of a life without Cathy in it in any way, he is on his knees pleading that her spirit finds a way to wait for him on earth until he too passes, then they might both be reunited and move on together. I like the little glimpses of his vulnerability you see from time to time, I don’t need a guy being a total wimp all the time (I am viciously irked by men who need to man up), but this is an acceptable occasion.  The love of his life just died after all. 

Phew, that was a long post. Maybe not a very good one, but maybe someone is now a little curious to read Wuthering Heights? Someone other than myself. I’ll be re-reading my little dog eared version if I ever finish my work. 

Yaay for non-typical romance!!

Elisa's Birthday Cake.

My battered copy of WH, broken spine, notes within, some would have a fit.

 

16/11/2010

Currently listening to: Sentimental Heart (She & Him)

Currently pondering: Christmas

Yes, I realise it may be a little early for a festive post (what with it being my first and NOT December) but I can't help myself! In the last week I've booked my Christmas trains home (ooohhh...home...*yearn, yearn*), which lead me to think of how amazing my last Christmas was, which lead to me putting on the playlist of songs I made for last Christmas, I got all hyped up, I calmed down, went to Edinburgh, and then this happened:

and I'm sure it's only too easy for those of you who know me (even vaguely) to imagine me then flying off the handle of sanity, twirling round and round with the euphoria of romantic Christmas notions... Not romantic as in typical bog-standard romance, but the idea of warm fuzzy dining rooms, tables decorated with holly and candles, lavender glass champagne flutes with the gold trim, serving platters spilling over with food, Mum serving up everyone's plates, Dad pouring a generous glug of wine, Sis whipping out a bottle of Bailey's from whatever this year's hiding place was- True Bliss. (Are you feeling festive now? You better be)

And this is what's getting me through the arctic temperatures and ridiculous workload up here.
That and the fact my birthday hits in 15 days! Last year's epic "Peter Pan" syndrome is, so far, nowhere in sight, turning 21 officially does not freak me out. In my mind, it means I'll carry the air of metropolitan sophistication with me, drop little pearls of wisdom here there and everywhere like dandruff (nice imagery right?) and make myself known to the world of business through internships and job applications. What I am freaking out about is the idea I'll be inching ever closer to that "marrying age", middle-lifedom, and wrinkles. Watching my niece applying make up over the summer was enough to make me breakdown at the sight of these teeeny tiny little creases under my eyes where powdery eyeliner deposits towards the end of the day. I need to buy a better eyeliner. 

But I digress.. Hopefully this puts you in a cheery Christmassy mood. If it doesn't, get yo'self some Christmas music on, let me help you out      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WpvB1IgekUY     if that doesn't work, think about what you'll gift your nearest and dearest with, and if that doesn't work, go retire to a comfy armchair Scrooge, and wait for the Christmas spirit to beat you with a stick come December.

Love, 

Moi.

Tadaaa!

It's taken months for me to bite the bullet and start blogging, but here I am! I've been inspired by others who've come up with some wonderful blogs, and my own might not be as philosphical and thought-provoking, but hopefully having my own little space to put down the thoughts will give a little insight into what makes me tick. It might even explain the utter nonsense I come out with sometimes. Maybe. 

So here's what to expect:
-Photos I've taken of the world around me: the ones that make me bounce on the edge of my seat with how happy they make me, the ones that show you what I was looking at when I all of a sudden stopped talking to you for a spell or trip over in the street (this happens a lot, I feel like I should explain myself...)

-The songs and readings that keep me company on nights when I can't sleep

-General clips of my life, be it what I'm getting up to/pondering/investigating or creating.

Let's get on with it shall we?