Listening to: Angus & Julia Stone- For You.
This post is long over-due, but in all honesty asides from insane levels of stress, I've had nothing to write about. (Unless you don't mind hearing me get over-excited about meeting and greeting royalty).
I've had a lot of difficulty sleeping lately, if I'm not staying up all night not being able to get to sleep, then I'm waking up from dreams that are making it hard to stay asleep. I'm not talking about night-terrors, but just really uncomfortable dreams that I can't stand to be in anymore and I do my best to wake myself up. Last night's dream is still fairly vivid, I remember being in an almost derelict style/colonial mansions type thing, in a living room with exposed wooden floorboards, dark wood fireplace, and big bay windows; There's a lot of sunshine, but it's coming through masses of bedding that have been hung across the room- it looks like white sheets are covering furniture that's been left behind in a house-move. There's a guy sitting naked in a bathtub infront of the window, and he has two girls next to him in the tub, and they're mocking me, splashing me with tub water while I'm lying alone and in a bed trying to sleep through the morning. Then at this point I was half-waking up in real-life, but still dreaming at the same time, and as I rolled over in reality and my dream, I found this guy had climbed into bed with me, and was stroking my hair to get me to go back to sleep, acting like my boyfriend, but very defnitely not him. I curled into him, and things fast-forwarded through scenes of us playing chase through the hung-up laundry, dining with parents and then sharing a bath- but out of loathing to have fun with this guy, I woke myself up. I was in such a bad mood with myself this morning.
I've had a lot of difficulty sleeping lately, if I'm not staying up all night not being able to get to sleep, then I'm waking up from dreams that are making it hard to stay asleep. I'm not talking about night-terrors, but just really uncomfortable dreams that I can't stand to be in anymore and I do my best to wake myself up. Last night's dream is still fairly vivid, I remember being in an almost derelict style/colonial mansions type thing, in a living room with exposed wooden floorboards, dark wood fireplace, and big bay windows; There's a lot of sunshine, but it's coming through masses of bedding that have been hung across the room- it looks like white sheets are covering furniture that's been left behind in a house-move. There's a guy sitting naked in a bathtub infront of the window, and he has two girls next to him in the tub, and they're mocking me, splashing me with tub water while I'm lying alone and in a bed trying to sleep through the morning. Then at this point I was half-waking up in real-life, but still dreaming at the same time, and as I rolled over in reality and my dream, I found this guy had climbed into bed with me, and was stroking my hair to get me to go back to sleep, acting like my boyfriend, but very defnitely not him. I curled into him, and things fast-forwarded through scenes of us playing chase through the hung-up laundry, dining with parents and then sharing a bath- but out of loathing to have fun with this guy, I woke myself up. I was in such a bad mood with myself this morning.
I highly resented my inability to pass one night of decent sleep: getting to sleep easily, not having a nightmare, and then not being woken up by the sunlight streaming through my curtains in the morning (I've taken to wearing an eye-mask for this reason). And now I resent my subconscious for plaguing me with insufferable dreams. The traitor. I need to do a little dream translation to make sure everybody keeps up I think.
- For the last week or so, this guy has been appearing in my dreams in some way or another, at first he was just faceless, and then adopted different faces of the people I know, and now whenever I look directly at him in my dreams, he changes his look so I can never actually yell at him and tell him to leave me be. He used to just follow me in my dreams, watching me as I walked about, but it seems as though the more time passes, the closer he gets, the more contact he makes, and last night's dream was the most we'd as much "spoken" and touched. Then last night, he'd actively (as in literally ) pushed out someone I was dreaming about, and replaced them to be able to taunt me about trying to avoid him and then tried to put the moves on me, and told me he's been falling in love with me- another reason why I was annoyed, I hate the idea of being any guy's "floozy"- I don't get on with men who need more than two hands to count romantic conquests on before turning their attentions on me. Makes you feel like you need a shower after just a look. And this guy had two bimbo's sitting in a bathtub with him!
It feels like I have some dream-dwelling stalker/bully, every time I see him I feel angry or annoyed, and he'll be interfering with the other people in my dream or trying to get me to cheat on my "boyfriend" (a few nights ago he tried to seduce me in a boat/secret den style room).
- For the last week or so, this guy has been appearing in my dreams in some way or another, at first he was just faceless, and then adopted different faces of the people I know, and now whenever I look directly at him in my dreams, he changes his look so I can never actually yell at him and tell him to leave me be. He used to just follow me in my dreams, watching me as I walked about, but it seems as though the more time passes, the closer he gets, the more contact he makes, and last night's dream was the most we'd as much "spoken" and touched. Then last night, he'd actively (as in literally ) pushed out someone I was dreaming about, and replaced them to be able to taunt me about trying to avoid him and then tried to put the moves on me, and told me he's been falling in love with me- another reason why I was annoyed, I hate the idea of being any guy's "floozy"- I don't get on with men who need more than two hands to count romantic conquests on before turning their attentions on me. Makes you feel like you need a shower after just a look. And this guy had two bimbo's sitting in a bathtub with him!
It feels like I have some dream-dwelling stalker/bully, every time I see him I feel angry or annoyed, and he'll be interfering with the other people in my dream or trying to get me to cheat on my "boyfriend" (a few nights ago he tried to seduce me in a boat/secret den style room).
I think I'll have to amazon some dream interpretations book, and find a way to be rid of him, at this level of exhaustion, I need to sleep or I will plain keel over and die.
I know this is all very melodramatic, but I am so very very tired.
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| I bought myself some flowers to cheer myself up the other day, and it worked, they looked so unbearably pretty |
